The Clock Stops Here...

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Life Lessons We Can All Learn From

I don't think I am alone, in my obsession with Bernie Madoff. I simply, cannot wrap my head around how anyone could knowingly hurt so many people, simply so he could regularly afford $2000 trousers. It's troubling. My heart particularly goes out to his elderly victims, who are now bankrupt and struggling to make ends meet. I promise, I am not blaming them, BUT, somewhere, deep inside, there had to be years of ignoring that inner voice, that said, "if it seems too good to be true, it probably is".

Which brings me to the Lifestyle Lift. Have you ever seen this infomercial? You would remember, because it is virtually impossible to turn off.

I am a sucker for all things, "before" and "after". I give the producers of Lifestyle Lift infomercial, huge props, for not making the women take their before (mug) shots, after rolling out of bed. They mostly feature, middle class women in their 60's, who realistically, are not looking to lop off 20 years, but would appreciate help finding their chins. The Lifestyle Lift, promises to achieve this, ("though individual results may vary"), in less than one hour, with local anesthesia, all performed, of course, with a, "Board Certified Plastic Surgeon". The "afters" look superb, but let's face it, they probably would not include the Schnauzer's in the infomercial, to begin with.

This Thursday's New York Times Style section, (which yes, I read online), ran a feature on the "branding" of face lifts, like the Lifestyle Lift and it's kin the Quicklift. I read it, still trying to find out how these procedures are achieved. No such luck. Part of the reason that over 100,000 women have undergone the Lifestyle Lift, since 2001, is no doubt cost. Even if you travelled to a third world country for a lift, your expenses would still top the $4000-$5900 Lifestyle Lift costs, once you threw in travel expenses.

I did a little online research and discovered that only 37% of those who have this procedure are satisfied with the results. I guess that means that another 63,000 people are a wee cranky. What do you get for your money? An appointment with a non-medically trained salesperson, who will show you a video and inform you, you are a "perfect candidate". You will next, be booked for surgery, without your ever having consulted with the scalpel wielding fellow, (who might also be using fish hooks and bob wire) and give a non-refundable $2000 deposit, (maybe a pair of dove grey cashmere Kiton pants for Bernie). Oh, and on your way out, don't forget your pre-stamped scripts for antibiotics and narcotics. Whoops!!! Allergic??? Who knew???!!!.

So, let's hope we have all learned a thing or too from Bernie. Judging by pictures of Ruth, (Bernie's spouse and accomplice), I'd say she got her nips and tucks the old fashioned way...for $20,000+ with a fine Park Avenue surgeon. Ruthie knew it all along..."if it seems to good to be true, it probably is", and now we do too.


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