Venis Envy

I had an epiphany today...Tomorrow's forecast is a good one, sunny and warm. We have had a spate of rainy east coast weekends this summer, so that is welcome news. Too bad I will be held hostage at the hair salon tomorrow. From robe change to check out, I will be clocking in close to 3 hours. It got me thinking...how many hours do I spend a year showering, shaving, exfoliating, waxing, tweezing, pumicing, moisturizing, toning, shampooing, conditioning, deep conditioning, blow drying, applying make up, removing make up, getting manicures, pedicures and getting my hair cut and colored??? Holy crap!!! Safe guestimate??? 800 hours.

Here's where the epiphany kicks in... Universally, life expectancy for men is shorter than for women. In the U.S., it is approximately 5.8 years less. The truth??? It is more or less equal. When I calculate the number of hours I have spent grooming from 15 to the average American female life span of almost 80 years, it will equal 5.9 years!!! In reality, there is no discrepancy, just a difference in how the time is spent.

While we, are having hot wax poured on private areas and having hair ripped out by the follicle, (with strips of cheesecloth), men, are out golfing. While we, are sitting naked and freezing in the shower, waiting for our deep conditioner to take root, men, are munching on a little snack, surfing between the History and Discovery channels. While we, are painted with dye and swaddled in tinsel, men, are checking their portfolios, on the Internet. Did you ever notice, that whether a man is going to the Post Office or a black tie gala, he needs the exact same 15 minutes to get ready?

We are off to a cocktail party, so I am signing off, right after I go fix my face...In my next life, maybe I'll come back with a penis, instead of a venis, and it will all equal out.

xox,
Dd