Wednesday, May 21, 2008
A Cautionary Tale
Madonna and her daughter Lourdes were at a benefit in Manhattan recently. I like Madonna. Never more so than when she essentially played herself, in Susan Seidelman's, "Desperately Seeking Susan". Back then, Madonna had love handles and looked like she could have spent a week at a Mikvah, (if I have to translate this, just skip it). I think that anyone who can be not just relevant, but at the top of their game for 25 years, has earned their icon stripes. Women like Anna Wintour and Donna Karan, also come to mind. Madge is in good company and I, for one, like her sinewy arms.
O.K., here's where it is going to get snarky and trust me, my query is not directed to Lourdes, but to Madonna...Why does Lourdes look like the love child of Frida Kahlo and the Frito Bandito??? Could there be a reason that she is sporting a uni brow and a moustache? Surely, I am not the only one wondering about this...can anyone 'splain??? I know from personal experience, that if Lourdes takes matters in her own hands, it may end badly.
I was an "early" bloomer. A foot taller than most of my grade school crushes (except for Scott Wolfe. If anyone knows his whereabouts, do put us in touch), with a coat of dark, downy hair on my legs. In my eyes, I was Neanderthal. A bit of a klutz, my parents wisely forbade my use of shaving with a straight edge. My mother's attempt at appeasement, was to purchase a new depilatory called "Shimmy Shins". Shimmy Shins came in a pretty, bronzed, can with yellow swirls. It had the smell and consistency of deviled eggs, (though compared to "Nair", it was Chanel #5). For a time, I was in heaven, spending countless hours tub side.
My father, went one better, returning from a business trip with a special gift. Inside the prettily wrapped box was a pink Remington electric shaver...I was ecstatic!!! I took to my room, shaving several times a day. When I tired of my legs, I decided to give my arms a whirl. One mirror less evening, I felt a little fuzz between my eyebrows and decided, why not???
As we sat down to dinner, my older sister Loren, (payback), looked up across from me and literally fell off her chair laughing...apparently half of my left eyebrow had been discarded. My newly alarmed parents, demanded a detailed, show and tell explanation. They were not nearly as amused as my sister and threatened to take away my beloved shaver until my eyebrow grew back, unless I promised to stick to legs only, twice a week. Jeez, and intervention at 11...
So Madonna, do the right thing. You have hair removal options aplenty at your disposal and in a pinch, Remington still makes pink electric shavers. Lourdes may take things in her own hands and you can't say you weren't warned... Stranger things have already happened.