That's my standard line...uttered within the first nano second of watching an infomercial...It doesn't matter what is being hawked...an ab toner, fold up tread mill, Victoria Principals skin care, Leeza Gibbons for Bare Minerals make up, Leigh Valentine's Non-Surgical Facelift...for 30 minutes, they have found their perfect mark ...Me. I sustain all rational thinking, with the hopes that whatever is being sold, will instantly, permanently and cheaply (once they have knocked off that last payment of $29.95, when you call within the next 11 minutes), perfect me.
I am particularly susceptible, when bouts of insomnia hit. I literally channel troll, in hopes of finding them...Guthy Renker, take me away. I usually have a small pen and pad on my bedside table, but in a pinch, have scribbled an 800 number or two with anything handy, including an eyebrow pencil. I fancy myself a bright girl...what gives?
It's hard to pin down. Part of it is just brain numbing relaxation. I also had a thing awhile back for watching Adrien Arpel on HSN. Adrien, is from my hometown on Long Guyland. She does not appear to have aged in 40 years. It's not the face that impresses me...I can't take my eyes off her neck, decolletage and hands. Somehow all three parts have escaped the ravages of time. So, when she stomps all over the co host, not letting them get a word in edge wise, or pummels a grey haired, blue eyed septuagenarian with a make up sponge, she has earned her mettle, in my book, as an expert. I want to believe. No waddle and a tote? Hang on while I find my credit card.
I also yearn to find one magic potion that will fulfill all deed an needs, toning, firming and hydrating, in one vial. These product pitches always have a simple come on, that makes you think you are getting a threefer... 5 minutes in, you learn they also have a special product for cleansing, exfoliating, the "eye" area, and of course a weekly mask. What I am really hoping for is shelf space and bragging rights...I found "it", and I can't wait to share it with you.
So, do I ever really purchase any of this stuff? Yup. Do they honor their money back guarantees? Uh huh. The Hydroxytone operator even laughed when I told her the "reason" I needed a "return authorization" was because it smelled like Limburger cheese... No problem, Madame.
Do I really "want it"? Yes I do. When I find it, I won't hold out on you and vice verse, I hope.