Sunday, October 18, 2009
Our First Priority: Wardrobe Reform
Mother knows best...and mine knows that I am chomping at the bit, to style our First Lady Michelle Obama. My mother just forwarded me a link from NBC's New York website. It is a slide show of Michelle Obama's Style Guide. I am, at the moment, hyperventilating. Style "Icon" to whom???
Since I will probably never have the opportunity to utter my signature line, "Take that schmatta OFF"!!! to our First Lady, I will offer up my advice anyway. I need the catharsis.
Ditch those waist length cardigans already: We all know her best asset is those arms. They should be shown, nekid at all times, even at the risk of culture clash, in places like Saudi Arabia.
Lose some of those belts- Sometimes they work and sometimes, they don't. M0 is not short waisted...MO is NO waisted. As a result, many of those too wide belts end up encircling her lungs. (Do ya think she belts her p.j.s too)???
Dressing in Bavarian waitress costumes must end- MO has a penchant for Thakoon, Junya Watanabe and Jason Wu bright, flocked, trimmed, ribboned, bric-a-brac skirts and dresses. I haven't even mentioned that she is bedecking this on to size "12" hips. Respectfully I ask, WTF???
Keep it solid (and dark)- Overblown plaids, checks, brushstrokes, polka dots, spots, florals and stripes usually look better on the seven or eight fellas, ringside, hopping out of a clown car.
Stick to an A-Line silhouette and invest in a good full length, 3-way mirror- Accentuate the positive, strictly waist-up Missy. Dirndls, crinolines and box pleats are dowdy and unflattering, not just to MO but to MOST.
Narciso is a skinny girl Designer- Think the Jessica's. Sarah Jessica Parker and Jessica Seinfeld...lithe, hipless wonders. I appreciate that she appreciates, his clean lines and sleek silhouettes. Please worship from afar.
Ballet Flats and Skirts-should only be worn by 6 year old girls at their ballet recitals. I get it...BO is slight and not all that tall. Please wear a minimum 50mm kitten heel while representing the U.S. Carla Bruni Sarkozy is just barely pulling this off.
Stand by your man- Michael Kors. The picture at the top left, is MO's offical White House portrait. She looks slim, elegant, sophisticated, powerful, and appropriate.
MO is bare armed, in a dress that is slightly cut in at the shoulder, emphasizing her best features, her shoulders and arms. It is solid and A-Line so it is not distracting or adding fabric and width to her hips. Her waist is nipped, not by a belt for a change, but by good design and tailoring.
My advice? (not that your asking), order one in every color...except daffodil and hire yourself a good Personal Shopper--- you know, one that isn't afraid to say, "TAKE THAT SCHMATTA OFF"!!!
Today is my Birthday, so I am cashing in on my snarky chit. If I made any of you cranky, well, indulge me... I will do my best to hold my tongue on this subject, until next year...maybe, (and for the record, I voted for BO).