What a mess!!! As a Cablevision customer, I stewed all day about not being able to watch the Academy Awards. I live for the fashion spectacle of the major awards shows...how could this be???
Net net, it forced me to tune into the E Channel at 6pm, when the bathroom attendants normally arrive. Ryan Seacrest is NOT who I want getting my fashion poop from, mostly because he can't even remember to ask the Jane, Sally, Dick of runway q's...who are you wearing?
I have fallen in love, with Alec Baldwin's comedic charms since It's Complicated and thought he would make a terrific host with Steve Martin. I don't know how they opened the show, since channel 7 did not deem us worthy until 17 minutes into the show. I would love to have seen more of them, because I found the AA's to be the dullest ever...be careful what you wish for.
Anyway, enough of my rant. Let's move on the good the bad and the ugly. Whole lotta strapless going on, most of it with unadorned necks...when it was worn by Mariska Hargitay and Kate Winslet, it looked Oscah worthy and bling appropriate. The men, all tidied up, in classic formal wear with onyx studs and black bow ties, looked elegant...please repeat. Improvised black tie is a bore.
A+- The Trifecta:Perfect gown hair and makeup;
Demi was divine, in a Versace stunner, Rachel McAdam's in Elie Saab, Penelope Cruz in Donna Karan, Helen Mirren in Badgley Mischka, Maggie Gyllenhal in Dries Van Noten, one of the only prints of the night. Mariska Hargitay in a midnight navy Vera Wang.
A- Great but flawed;
Sandra Bullock. LOVED the Marchesa gown, didn't love the hair and makeup, though many did. Kate Winslet in YSL, quietly pretty, no snap. Kristen Stewart in a navy Monique L'hullier, a little old and a little Goth. SJP. I may be the only one on the planet who liked this Chanel Couture gown, which looked vaguely modern day Breakfast at Tiffany's to me. The two tone unicorn horn hairstyle, was puzzling, but suited the gown. Elizabeth Banks (who is she btw)???, had on a lovely lavender chiffon Versace, marred by a sleek helmet of overly peroxfried, blonde hair, that looked tangerine tinged . Adorable Carey Mulligan, looked age appropriate in Prada, but anemic with too blonde hair, that detracted from her fresh faced beauty.
B- Solid;
Mo'nique, Queen Latifah, Amanda Seyfried, Nicole Richie, and Gabourey Sidibe who was exuberant in Marchesa.
C+ (Most Improved);
Mariah Carey in
Valentino, matronly,
but, with her ta tas covered.
Anna Kendrick in a blush, off the shoulder
Elie Saab, minutes after removing her shower cap, (which believe it
or not, was an improvement over her Golden Globes gown) and
Miley Cirus, with her hair brushed. I thought
Cameron Diaz was looking mighty M.O.B. in
Oscar, but at least she look like she cared,
for a change.
D for "Do Over";
Charlize Theron in a
Dior with lilac Pillsbury Cinnamon buns over her breasts and train to match with jarring tomato lipstick.
J. Lo in
Armani Prive with a train wreck of a train, that looked liked the twins were hiding under it,
Diane Kruger in a
Chanel Little Bo Peep number, that will be
adored.
Sigourney Weaver in a Statue of Liberty frock, Vera Farmiga looking overwhelmed, in a red ruffled Marchesa, (which reminded me of
Christina Hendricks frothy misstep, in
Christian Siriano at the Globes, but without all those gorgeous fleshy curves, which nearly redeemed it),
Zoe Saldana look quite pretty from the bust up but
OY, the bottom looked like a
Chita Rivera dance costume from
West Side Story.
Tina Fey in a black one shouldered, leopard print dress, that looked like something
Betty Rubble would have worn on New Year's Eve, to the Water Buffalo Lodge. Last but
not least,
Meryl. I love her, but she always looks like she just rummaged in her closet. This old thing???
YES!!!...that old thing. 3 suggestions:
hire the Costume Designer from It's Complicated,
hire Dame Helen's stylist,
hire me (I will donate my services).
Snarkfest, over and out. E tu???
xox,
DD
